Pain, without love, Pain, I can't get enough....
ok, so, update on steve.
we kindasorta started up again a couple of months ago. He came o'er, we watched a movie....we missed most of the movie. Afterwards he told me he wanted to kool things off cuz he didn't want to go through the "downs" again like we did before (when I didn't talk to him for about a yr). We were to "behave". so ok, I'd play along. The following week we end up in the shower together. oops. Then he says we really have to start behaving. Repeat a couple more times. Kinda hard to keep track of if we're behaving or not.
Couple of weeks ago he ended up coming o'er for a poker night I was having with friends. They all left and he stayed. He tried to initiate things again. I resisted - only made out a bit. Ask him about it a couple of days later and his answer "I was just bugging ya". OH MY FUCKING GAWD.
Went o'er last night and hung out and ended up staying to watch a movie. Nothing happened. Good, at least that night was "clear".
Today I asked him what he was up to tonight, he said not much. I said (jokingly) "well you could come o'er and help me study but I think you'd have more fun doin' nothing at home". He was like ok. I asked if he was serious or joking and he said he was serious. He kept that up for a good 15 minutes (having me believe he was going to come o'er) and then he says "ok, time to go home, bye" and left. WHAT THE FUCK !??!
I'm sorry, he has to know what the hell he's doin'. I'm sure he doesn't realize that I've fallen in love with him over the years, but he has to know that I have some sort of feelings for him. How could he not ?!
I've decided that I'm not initiating any contact with him from now on. I've deleted him off my msn again so that I don't.
My question is - why do I keep going back for more ? Am I masochistic ?! I know I should just cut all ties and call it a day, but I can't seem to do so. Why not ? I'm smarter than this.
we kindasorta started up again a couple of months ago. He came o'er, we watched a movie....we missed most of the movie. Afterwards he told me he wanted to kool things off cuz he didn't want to go through the "downs" again like we did before (when I didn't talk to him for about a yr). We were to "behave". so ok, I'd play along. The following week we end up in the shower together. oops. Then he says we really have to start behaving. Repeat a couple more times. Kinda hard to keep track of if we're behaving or not.
Couple of weeks ago he ended up coming o'er for a poker night I was having with friends. They all left and he stayed. He tried to initiate things again. I resisted - only made out a bit. Ask him about it a couple of days later and his answer "I was just bugging ya". OH MY FUCKING GAWD.
Went o'er last night and hung out and ended up staying to watch a movie. Nothing happened. Good, at least that night was "clear".
Today I asked him what he was up to tonight, he said not much. I said (jokingly) "well you could come o'er and help me study but I think you'd have more fun doin' nothing at home". He was like ok. I asked if he was serious or joking and he said he was serious. He kept that up for a good 15 minutes (having me believe he was going to come o'er) and then he says "ok, time to go home, bye" and left. WHAT THE FUCK !??!
I'm sorry, he has to know what the hell he's doin'. I'm sure he doesn't realize that I've fallen in love with him over the years, but he has to know that I have some sort of feelings for him. How could he not ?!
I've decided that I'm not initiating any contact with him from now on. I've deleted him off my msn again so that I don't.
My question is - why do I keep going back for more ? Am I masochistic ?! I know I should just cut all ties and call it a day, but I can't seem to do so. Why not ? I'm smarter than this.
posted by Slim at
4:57 PM
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